FUN PAGE

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold."

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.

Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive.. So they
would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and
a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
      A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "Goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month. We know it today as the "Honeymoon".

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them, Mind your own pints and quarts and settle down". It's where we get the phrase "Mind your P's and Q's". 

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.  "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor is there ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

The Bereau of Chemistry and Soils broke down the contents of the human body into chemicals and minerals; it came down to this:-

65%         Oxygen
18%        Carbon
10%         Hydrogen
03%         Nitrogen
1.5%         Calcium
0.1%         Phosphorus
0.35%     Potassium
0.25%     Sulfur
0.15%     Sodium
0.15%     Chlorine
0.05%     Magnesium
0.0004%     Iron
0.00004%     Iodine

Additionally, it was discovered that our bodies contain trace quantities of flourine, silicon, manganese, zinc, copper, alumiminium and arsenic.

Our value on the open market?
1900     .04c
1940     .28c
1980     .50c
2005     .98c

The most valuabe asset is our skin, which the Japanese measured. To do so they applied a strong, thin paper to the surface of the skin. After the paper dries, they carefully peel it, cut it into small pieces and painstakingly total the body¹s measurements.  Cut and dried, the average person is the proud owner of 14-18 sq. ft. of skin, with variations. Basing the skins value on the price of cowhide, which is approximately .25c per sq.
ft., the value of an average persons skin is about $3.50.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.- Henny Youngman

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation...as you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you...

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MEDICAL DAFFYNITIONS
~ Artery: The study of painting
~ Bacteria: The back door of the cafeteria
~ Barium: What doctors do when their patients die
~ Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O or U
~ Caesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome
~ CAT Scan: Searching for a kitty
~ Cauterize: To make eye contact with a girl
~ Coma: A punctuation mark
~ Enema: Someone who is not your friend
~ Fester: Quicker
~ Fibula: A small lie
~ Labor Pain: When you get hurt at work
~ Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates
~ Node: Was aware of
~ Outpatient: A patient who fainted
~ Pelvis: An Elvis impersonator
~ Recovery Room: A place to do upholstery
~ Secretion: Something you don't want anyone to know
~ Seizure: A Roman emperor
~ Tablet: A small table
~ Terminal: Where the planes land
~ Urine: Opposite of "you're out"
~ Varicose: Nearby
~ Vein: To be conceited

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Many years ago in a small  village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. 

The moneylender, who was an awful, mean man, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. 

He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. 

Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag. 

1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. 

2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. 

3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail. 

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag. 

Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. 

What would you have done if you were the girl? 

If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? 

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities: 

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble. 

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat. 

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment. 

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers. 

What would you recommend to the Girl to do? 

Well, here is what she did .... 

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles. 

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.